2019-02-05 journal two

Daddy and I are both sick…  He’s worse than me, I just wish I could take care of him.  It makes me feel horrible when I can’t take care of him. I should be the one to take care of him.  Soon.  So while I’m laying here feeling like crap, too tired to even turn the TV on, I’ve been reading all of our writings, reading through his writings to me, mine to him.  Tasks, journals, journeys, all while listening to our Playlist.

Phew…. I really helped me to look at our love story all over again.  I can’t believe how far we have come in 9 months.  It feels like we have always been together   Because we were made for each other.  It’s easy to get lost and see just what’s happening now, and be frustrated.  However going back made me see how it was, how we struggled, and how we’ve fought against so much to stay together.

We are close, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I won’t let the demons of today cast a shadow on how deep our love goes, and how important we are to each other, how much we do need each other.  I’ve waited my whole entire life to be loved, really honestly and truly loved unconditionally for who I am, as I am, for all my flaws or in spite of them.  I’ve waited all my life to be looked at with the genuine love and adoration you honestly have for me.  I’ve waited all my life for someone to nurture me in the way that you do and to want to grow and learn with me still until we die 72 years from now.  I’ve waited all my life for someone to tell me that my dreams are important, that I am not some ridiculous girl with her head in the clouds. I’ve waited all my life for someone to tell me that I matter, that my ideas matter, that my dreams matter.  I’ve waited all my life for someone to walk through the fires of hell with me, and to carry me through when I can’t do it. I’ve waited all my life for someone to tell me I’m beaofor no other reason than because he simply and honestly believes it and feels it in his soul.

I’ve waited all my life for you… And I’d wait for forever…  Because you are my forever.  I’d give anything to be in your arms right now, even sick… I love you more and more everyday and I can’t wait to become your wife.

 

 

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